Wednesday, January 11, 2006

give me my rib back, you thieving harlot

Like many people in this world, I am single. And I figured out not long ago that I am gonna be that way for a loooong time. Why? Lets get down to brass tacks. Some people think that similar interests will lead to inevitable attraction. That's bullshit. Unless you're identical twins and born in Kentucky, that connection is short lived at best. Why, you ask? Every woman Ive ever met that shared even a quarter of my interests had a Britannica sized edition of personality disorders, and probably cut herself daily just "to feel something." Nix that idea. Others say opposites attract. Bullshit ..2. Any woman whose interests are diametrically opposed to mine will lose interest quickly. Which is pretty much after she realizes what a nutbag I really am, and that everything I told her in the beginning was just a line of bullshit to get in her pants. And if she fell for that, whoops. Your bad. But these are also the women that drive me totally insane, because they ditch my ass like a prom night pregnancy and I have no sense of closure. I cant fucking stand that, because I hate loose ends more than I love loose women. So I'll keep trying and trying to work at it or figure out some sort of answer, and Ill either get the runaround or they inexplicitly disappear off the face of the planet (you know who you are...call me back, please?) Thats just a bad deal. And then there are the ones who catch me in not the best of moods, and feel they can have an "intellectual" discussion about things they have no fucking clue about. Ill entertain their ideas, thoughts, and whatever else they can come up with. But when it's my turn to talk, Ill turn up the heat to the point that being just uncomfortable seems ideal. Example: A few weeks ago, I was in one of those "The human race disgusts me" moods (this usually happens after work. customers suck.), and a friend of mine's "friend," who I had never met, starts talking to me. She begins with inane conversation, then somehow proceeds to ramble on about conspiracy theories dealing with the Kennedy assassination and such (I think I am just a magnet for this shit...the CIA ordered 11 poison dart shooting umbrellas? I was such awe of the astounding stupidity that I thought I was feeling the onset of an epileptic seizure), and then started getting into politics (abortion, welfare and such...topics I have firm ideals on that I express very willingly when I feel they deserve merit). I counter pointed and conversated about all sorts of the ins and outs of these general topics, and then came closing time. Everything seemed all good, I got to vent, and she seemed fine after my self-indulgent rant. I go use the men's room before leaving (no.1, if you were curious), and then hop in my car and head over to a friend's place. Ten minutes later, my phone rings. It ends up being the friend from earlier, who's other "friend" I was debating with apparently was crying all the way to her house about how I "made fun of" her miscarriage at 15, her idiotic opinions on everything, how her face looked like it was hit with a waffle iron, about how her vocabulary was about as deep as a 4th graders, and probably something about how bulimic whores, such as herself, should go choke on their own vomit, drown in the toilet, and stop wasting the air of those of us with an IQ higher than the amount of fingers we can hold up. But alas, I was fucking pissed. I had done no such thing (I was sober, trust me, I remember), and this did not make me a happy-go-fucking-lucky camper. I argued about these infantile accusations for awhile, and then realized it was pointless. I know I can be a heartless bastard, willing to go above and beyond good taste when I really feel someone deserves it, but I was actually innocent this time. And now Im pissed off again from just bringing it up.
Fuck her. Crybaby.

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