Friday, February 24, 2006

ronald mcdonald is a registered sex offender

I have lost all faith in the mascots of the fast food industry. I decided to go out last night for some good ole' drunken debauchery, and ended up with an appointment for rape counseling. and probably McAIDS. The events leading up to it are gone; possibly due to shock, or, a certain someone slipping a McRoofie in my drink. after awakening from my drug-induced coma this morning, I could only come up with one possible conclusion: I was raped by ronald mcdonald. that is the only possible explanation. just as my bloodshot eyes were adjusting to the morning light, evidence came clearly into my view. I was surrounded by five chicken nuggets, along with a large portion of french fries strewn about the bed. the calling cards of a McRapist. the brutality of the situation soon became clear, judging by the honey mustard splattered across the sheets. still trying to amass the situation at hand, I finally admitted to myself what had happened. I was lucky to be alive. I tried to explain this to my managers, who wanted a reason as to why I was fourty-five minutes late to work, but it fell upon deaf ears. now I'm most likely jobless; but with a better understanding for the fear of clowns. next time I'll remember to scream McFire.

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